FUERZA BRUTA.

FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA FUERZA BRUTA.

TONIGHT.

Obviously, I can't wait.

... ... ...

The last few nights in a row, at anywhere between midnight and 3am, I've had intense cravings for pickles.

Which, of course, I indulged by eating baby kosher dills in bed.

I mean, it's a delicious problem but...pickle cravings??? UHHHHH.

GAHHHHHH.

Sicko on the subway: 

Could you please zip up your pants? Because I REALLY didn't feel like getting flashed by you today.

THANKS.

Postscript.

The only highlight of my trip to the market: 

An old Spanish man walking down the aisle in front of me accidentally grabbed my hand because he thought I was his wife. She was busying herself by the Saltines. 

HILARITY!

Cravings.

Tonight, about halfway through the 3-hour Broadway production of Mary Stuart (which, by the way, was really quite good), I got the most intense craving for SMACKS cereal. The desire carried me all the way through the second act. Immediately after the curtain fell, I dashed to the grocery store closest to my apartment (don't judge me, I also had OTHER shopping to do). I went to the cereal aisle. A casual perusal didn't do the trick--I must have missed it. Have no fear, though. I walked up. I walked down. Missed them again. Curious...where were the SMACKS? My pace quickened as I passed my familiar friends: Life, Raisin Bran, Cheerios. But I didn't want to join the usual gang. I WANTED MY SMACKS. 

I write to you now from my apartment. Where I am eating...a banana. I hate you, Food Emporium. And, for the love of god, can somebody please tell me if SMACKS have been discontinued?? Because, if they have, we are doing a disservice to children around the globe and I will drop out of school to single-handedly lead the campaign to bring them back to markets (especially the Food Emporium a block away from me).  

Thank you for your time. 

Hopefully I'll be Equity by then.

A thought has just dawned on me:

If "Entourage" ever becomes a Broadway musical, I will be playing Lloyd, the asst. of Ari Gold. 

And the casting will be perfect.

But no, they seriously do call it puppy love.

Please be mine. I'll even let you be the little spoon. 

!!!

I HAVE TO SEE THIS.

Who's in? I hear they have student rush tickets. I WILL RUSH THIS EVERY DAY IF I HAVE TO.

Lost and Found.

To: The girl who, I assume, rushed out of some random guy's apartment early this morning with sleep creases still on yo' face.

Found: ONE BLACK THONG crumpled into a ball, located on the corner of 54th and Broadway.


Feel free to retrieve at any time.

Mhmm.

YESSSSS, young girl walking around Times Square wearing full-out butterfly face paint: YOU. ARE. FIERCE.

Also, Liev Schreiber, I appreciated the quality time I saw you spending with your child today. Good work.

Confessions.

Dear BlogThatKnewTooMuch,

I just made the bed. Now I am noticeably winded. It WAS a very large bed, but is it possible that there is something wrong with me?

Yours in confidence,
Freakishly Flushed

Hmm?

Guys, I'm not going to go out of my way to lie and say that I DON'T like watching Wife Swap.


Because, I mean, lying is wrong. But Wife Swap is soooooo right.

Life Lessons: From Me to You.

THE TOP 13 THINGS I'VE LEARNED SINCE I RETURNED TO NEW YORK...YESTERDAY.

1. The door to the offices of the Wooster Group is VERY hard to find.

2. Apparently when I live alone, sometimes I become a 30-year-old bachelor. Tonight I needed a midnight snack and I decided to make some Chef Boyardee Ravioli. I don't know when/by whom this can was purchased. But I made it. And I ate it all. No regrets.

3. I wish I could, and think I might possibly be the love-child of Audra McDonald and Julie White...without any trace of blackness (much to my chagrin).

4. I'm getting very good at using my Ipod to provide the soundtrack to my own life (tonight was Bon Iver on the downtown E).

5. No matter how little I am and how large my suitcase is, I will simply never be the kind of girl who is helped by kind strangers on the train.

6. I would be willing to pay someone with size 5 1/2-6 feet (probably a female tween or large elementary schooler) to wear my new shoes. She will get blisters, but she will also get hefty compensation.

7. To the vanity plate on the mini-van I saw driving today that read "FOSHZLE": I saw you. I judged you.

8. Nothing brings me more joy than watching great actors do great work.

9. It's a good thing I've been lifting those 5-lbs weights because milk is heavy.

10. I will ALWAYS get a kick out of those people who dance on the subway to their Ipods and just totally GO FOR IT.

11. I miss acting. It's been far too long.

12. The morbidly obese black woman next to me on the subway tonight: "MMMMgrrl, I can't wait to get home and have me a Toffuti Cutie!" The experience didn't really teach me anything, but JESUS was it funny.

13. I like the false sense of independence that living along brings me, but it can also be really lonely.

I. just. can't. stop. watching. this.

It's just SO good.

My own missed connection...of sorts.

To Ian, from LensCrafters:

You, sir, were very attractive.  I liked your beard and I liked your thick frame glasses. I think they would have made a nice match with my thick frame glasses. Also, you seemed very kind.

All this was true, of course, UNTIL YOU BROKE MY GLASSES. Just, broke them. Snapped one of the stems right off. Oh, what's that crunch? Ah, yes, MY GLASSES. Oh, that's so kind of you, going to fetch me a duplicate pair of frames from the display, seeing as that is your job and all. What's that you say? There are no more in the store and now you have to special order them, taking approximately 10 days? It's especially a shame that I'm leaving Pennsylvania in two days then, isn't it?

It really is too bad, Ian. I think we could've had something truly great. Unfortunately, now all I can feel for you is disdain. 

On repeat.

Following is in style...but not stalking.

My number of followers has greatly expanded within the last two days.

AND I'M LOVING IT!

Family Ties.

We drove in the car today.

My stepfather played Enya over the speakers.

That's right, the 90's came and went but still she remains.

The wonder of syllables.

Tony Time!

So I decided to do a little blogging during the Tonys, just in case I had some thoughts. Which apparently, I did. I decided not to go back and edit so these are real thoughts, guys. UNCENZZZORED. Ps. Warning--Spoilers!!

Nice start. Turn on Elton John's mic. It's the first line of the night. Let's get on the ball, peeps.

Is someone warming up during the first few songs? Maria from West Side Story?? Whoever it is, it's hysterical. 

Mash-up between Stockard Channing singing "Bewitched..." and Next to Normal?? I think not.

Neil, what is your suit? pleather? But you pull it off, so I respect you.

I want to be in Hair. Who is going to make that happen for me?

Jane Fonda. Plunging Neckline.

Do you think the girl who comes out with the tony is an aspiring actress? If so, is that fun or incredibly painful? I could see it going either way.

The tony is a man flailing his arms flamboyantly. I never noticed that before but SO APPROPRIATE. 

Shrek--I had no desire to see. I have even less now that I've seen you perform. Bad news. 

Wait? IS LORD FARQUAAD A DRAG QUEEN IN THE MUSICAL? I retract my former statement. 

Jeanine Tesori: you should be writing "Caroline or Change 2: Back 2 da Basement" instead of this.

OMGZ James Gandolfini really DOES look like Shrek. Hilarious!

Bahaha Angela Lansbury is sitting in front of two ogres and a man in a donkey suit--Raunchy!!

I should invest in some of those Mamma Mia platform shoes; I would almost be normal height.

Also, one of those ladies has goat vibrato like whoa.

Neil Patrick Harris is a naughty imp and I love it!

Rita!

One time, someone told me I looked like Dolly Parton. Not. A Compliment.

Karen Olivo, really the only word for you is: fierce. 

Daymn Susan Sarandon-- you look good.

OH MY GOD Rock of Ages guitarist, why is your face so effing scary???

Every time I see or hear Rock of Ages I think it's an actual joke that the universe is playing on me. 

Liza Minelli= "Tony-nominated freak machine"

MGHarden is going GLAM, baby.

The microphone pass-off for Guys and Dolls was brilliant, particularly hearing the guy say before he ran on, "Am I going on with it?? I'm going on!!"

What is that Heaven graphic background? Curious. 

Oh, Mary Testa. You so cray-cray. And I LOVE IT!

MARTHA PLIMPTON I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU JUST SO MUCH.

Karen Olivo. I'm literally crying. 

Alice Ripley, let's try to stay with the music, shall we?

Jesus, I'm such a bitch. 

Again, why was Aaron Tveit not nominated. Dumb. 

Geoffrey Rush, you crack me up!

Ughhhh Frank Langella why are you so good?

And silly!

...and bitter?

...wait this is getting kind of awkward...

The Mary Stuart female nominees are sitting in front of the director of Rock of Ages. Extreme contrast.

Am I the only one who thinks it's weird to have the best play nominee highlights introduced by members of their casts? Ditto for best musical.

Christ that was some good dancing, Billy.

Harvey Fierstein, you always have/do/will creep me out.

Fun Fact: Carole Channing is still alive. 88!

"Time Heals Everything"...great song.

Yessssss Hair!

Audra you are so beautiful you are the love of my life be mine forever.

Billy/Billy/Billy are the new Jonas Brothers. but cuter!

Oh man! Chandra Wilson is starting in Chicago?? She's super-duper. 

Billy Elliot--predictable win, but not disappointing. 

Neeeeeeil, your voice is like delicate silk sheetsssssssss.

Mmmmm.

Re-watching season 1 of Heroes. Remembering the goodness.

Have I mentioned how much I love Zachary Quinto? Jesus, I'm so predictable. 

I SHOULD HAVE A SHOW ON ANIMAL PLANET.

I have a new doggy friend--Teddy, my dad and stepmom's Cockapoo! Teddy has three favorite activities:

1. Scooting along the carpet. 

2. Licking his genitals.

3. Chillin' wit me!

Not to mention getting his tummy rubbed! But who doesn't like that? 

Note: See my blogger profile for my feelings on tummy-rubbing.

I'm craving for you--I'm missing you like CANDY.

Weird. I thought I posted this earlier in the week. But I just saved it. Because I'm stoopid. Anyway, here are some text message highlights from my trip last weekend to HERSHEY PARK--THE SWEETEST PLACE IN AMERICA. It really was a super duper good time and I continually conquered my fear of heights by riding the rollercoasters. And YES, I COULD ride them all, even with my undeniable height limitations. But for yoooour information, I made it into the tallest height group--the jolly ranchers.

Just barely, though.

--->B (1:44pm): Update from Hershey Park: rollercoaster just made me drool on myself. I am an enfant. More updates to come.
--->B (1:48pm): also I just realized I spelled infant the french way...odd.
--->B (2:10pm): Update #2--caught the Hershey photo of myself on the next rollercoaster. I looked legit like I WAS COMING OUT OF THE WOMB.
--->B (2:12pm): I tried to take a photo of my photo but they caught me and yelled at me
--->B (2:44pm): Update #3--I am now double-fisting diet coke and water and it is THE BEST DECISION EVER.
--->B (3:57pm): Skeeball is the greatest. I want to win a penguin!!
--->B (3:57pm): Clarification--a STUFFED penguin.
--->B (4:50pm): I think someone pooped on himself during the last ride because when it stopped there was an intense poop smell in the air that wasn't there before.
--->B (5:41pm): I don't know if you can "win" at bumper cars but im pretty sure I just did.
--->B (7:15pm): Sad update. We are leaving. And feel sick.

You know an amusement park trip is fun if you feel sick on the way home. That's really the only way to know for sure. 

WOWZA.

IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN PIXAR'S UP YET, DO SO IMMEDIATELY.

It was one of the best movies I've ever seen. I laughed, I cried (literally), I loved.

Plus, I got a new Ipod! It was sort of like putting down the pet you've had since elementary school (my Ipod was almost this old, in fact), so I was very heartbroken when it finally gave out for good, but my new one is silver and pretty. And it actually plays my music, instead of just crying out in pain through a grinding, churning sound.

And the case I got for it is what color? Purple! PURPLE!

...Sometimes I think I'm just becoming a caricature of myself.