Truth be told...

Guys, I like beef jerky and I'm NOT gonna lie about it.

Also, while driving around town today, my friend and I spotted a clothing store called "Casual Male XL". I must remember to check that one out.

Furthermore:

I--took--another--jog--today?? Weird. Although, if this post is all about telling the truth, it was more of a walk than a jog. Whatever. Unfortunately, when I was jogg(walk)ing, my entire street smelled like bacon. MAKE IT HARDER FOR ME, UNIVERSE. 

Mmmmmwhat?

I--went--for--a--jog??

Further rants and raves.

How many days do I have to lift 5 lbs weights before I get bulging arm muscles?!?! God, body. Get it together. 10 lbs is just asking too much, though.

In better news, during one of my 5am internet adventures (they occur daily), I discovered that all of Twin Peaks is free online. LIFE HAS MEANING ONCE AGAIN.

...

Pennsylvania, what are you doing to me?

Postscript.

GRLBLLY.

Maybe it was Girl Billy?? LIKE A FEMALE BILLY GOAT???

Some thoughts from the dentist chair.

Jesus Christ, my jaw hurts.

OBVIOUSLY I could floss more. Does anyone ever meet the dentist flossing expectations?

Who cleans the dentist's teeth? Is that awkward?


ALSO--
I saw a vanity plate on a vehicle parked outside the local elementary school: GRLBLLY.

Girl Bully? I don't understand why that would be flattering.

UGHHHHHH.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAndy Samberg.

My love for you only grows with every day and every interview I watch.

Creepy? Perhaps. But true? Definitely.

Dog. Dress.

I think this dog's face says it ALL:

If you try to make your dog wear this dress, he will eat your face.

Postscript Postscript.

ALSO--

"I'm Through With White Girls" (2007).

I'm not exactly sure what it is yet but doesn't it just sound GENIUS?

Postscript.

Also--

The Other Sister.

Although I know it's so wrong.

Netflix Watch Instantly

New arrivals that I am excited about (in no particular order):

1. Little Shop of Horrors (1960)...although, to be honest, I should probs take a break from this one.

2. She's All That...even though I feel strongly that this movie implies a negative view of girls wearing glasses. 

3. Joseph Campbell and The Power of Myth...I have a thing for myths...and just because something is six hours long, doesn't necessarily mean it's bad (ex. Angels in America) 

4. Meerkat Manor (Seasons 1 AND 2)

5. THE BABYSITTER'S CLUB!!!!!!

I had a weekly screening of The Babysitter's Club every summer when I lived at the beach for a month...and when I say a weekly screening, I do in fact mean that I would watch it by myself and act it out and fantasize about the more romantic parts.

Leave me alone. 

Christ, Craigslist!

It makes me sad when I bookmark or blog about super-special Craigslist "Missed Connections" that are so ridiculous it's amazing, and then they expire or are flagged for removal, never to be seen again.


I'M TRYING TO RUN A BLOG HERE, CRAIGSLIST--HOW AM I TO DO THAT IF YOU KEEP EXPIRING ALL MY BEST MATERIAL??

Some things are meant to be shared.

http://www.berner.org/gallery/main.php?g2_itemId=3345


LOVIN' ITTTTT.

Musings.

1. How How How can I possibly be such a bad driver? I don't understand. Why is it that I get behind the wheel and just lose all sense of logic and BECOME AN IDIOT??

But here's another thing: although I would consider myself a very bad driver, I've never been in an accident. Bewildering? Yes.

2. It's true. In a previous post on this very blog, I have implied negative feelings towards Kathy Griffin. We don't all like the same things. It happens.

HOWEVER--

I DO enjoy her new commercial. Particularly the part where she tries to check-in at an event and they don't know her name. Oh, Kathy...

But that is ALL I will give you Kathy fans, K?

Listen.

Sometimes you just have to go out and try something simply because I tell you that it's the best thing ever.

And this is the best thing ever.

Strawberry, people. THAT'S what I'm talking about.

HOLY HOLY COW!

Note the subject line.

How could I be so dumb? OF COURSE Arcade Fire has the coolest band website ever! Because they are one of my favorite bands and how could they NOT??

Seriously. It has scrapbooks, people. And cool art. And music. And videos. And journals. And neat little puzzles that you have to figure out to find secret, hidden parts of the website.

Now, I love Arcade Fire more than ever, and I thought that was impossible.

Check it out when your bored: http://www.arcadefire.com/yope.html

If only I could make my blog that cool.

I LOVE DOGS.

http://mcsweeneys.net/2009/4/30donovan.html


Like, seriously. I just love them so much.

Chagrin.

What is this mosquito bite on my right butt cheek?? I do not like that at all.

YAY--I'm back! Were you worried? I bet you were worried. Well, worry no more! I was just apart from my computer for a few days while I went to my brother's graduation (WOOT), but now we are reunited.

AND IT FEELS SO GOOD.

HAHAHHA.

Best text message(s) I've gotten all week:

<-----E: There is a girl on the train who is your vocal doppelganger! It is creepy hearing you but seeing someone else!

----->Me: Hahha she doesn't look like me though?

<-----E: No. I can't really see her face but she has bad hair.

Confusion

I'm not sure I understand.

ELF??

Like, a real elf??

I just feel like I'm missing something.

...more than just the missed connection.

Post script.

P.S. I just read that article more thoroughly and it is actually really really scary and it scared me and I didn't like it.

Today.

The city smelled like stinky beach today.

Also, when I came into work, this was the page that the last employee left open on the computer:
???


We are a curious breed here at the TIC.

Breakfast for dinner!

The only thing better than breakfast for dinner is breakfast for brunch.

Runners-up include:
1. Breakfast for lunch.
2. Breakfast for breakfast.

Need. Food. Can't. Go. On.

I am the hungriest person in the world right now. I am also the stupidest person because I left my wallet at home and have to work for another hour. SUFFERING.



On a happy note, I just passed a woman on college walk and when she was about a foot away from me, a baby popped out from behind her. Turned out, she was wearing one of those baby-carrying-backpack-contraptions and I hadn't noticed.

Granted, it would have been cooler if the baby had just been clinging onto the mother's back with its fingers (claws, talons, etc) but this was cool, too. BECAUSE THE BABY SMILED AT ME!

POTENTIALLY MOST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE YET.

JAVA CITY. 12:30PM.

I picked up a container of edamame to inspect and what I put it down, there remained on my hand STICKY GREEN NUCLEAR SMELLY EDAMAME GOO. IT WAS SO STICKY AND SO NEON GREEN. This shit could have turned me into a teenage mutant ninja turtle (although that would actually be really awesome). Instead of doing that, it just left a really icky residue and I might wake up tomorrow with my finger skin seared off.

Or a super-power.

I'll keep you updated.

Good news.

Halfway done with finals! And in a few hours, I'll be 3/4 done!

WOOT.

Something I learned today that I think I might have known before but I'm stupid so I guess I forgot:

On a two final day, especially when you have to go to work afterward, sleep is the most important thing. Fuck studying, go for the sleep.

What's that? How much sleep did I get last night? That would be 45 minutes. And I still probably failed that final. The universe hates me.

I mean, there's proabably not a technical RULE against it but...

The cashier at m2m was wearing headphones while she was working the register.

Ipod earbuds= probably not great for customer service.

Where's your dalmatian?

Last night, a fireman in his firetruck gave me a skeazy wave (not the left-to-right standard wave or the frozen hand of acknowledgment, but the closing fingers to palm wave that you sometimes do to a baby). Anyway, for some reason it really got my goat.

Fireman are supposed to make us feel safe! Not undress us with their eyes. That made me feel UNSAFE. Do you job, fireman!

This is not a Duane Reade.

A woman stopped by the TIC today to ask me this gem of a question:

"Do you have an extra umbrella back there?"

For buying? For lending? No. What do you think this is?

Chaos!

Someone set off the fire alarm. In the library. The week of finals. While it's pouring ridiculously hard outside.


Life is cruel.

10 1/2 hours to go.

MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST.


I don't know if you guys know this, but Midnight Breakfast is actually capable of fixing everything that is wrong in the world.

IT CAN HEAL LEPERS.

This just in from the TIC.

Someone just bought a movie ticket voucher.
His last name had 21 letters.



It barely fit on his id.

OMGZZZ

GUYS THIS IS WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW YOU NEED TO STOP DOING IT AND GET THIS:

DELICIOUS.

SERIOUSLY.

Probably could use some editing.

I saw a flier today. At the top in bold,

"HELP ANOTHER WOMAN GET PREGNANT."

I mean, it went on to discuss being an egg donor, but I feel like the hook might be somewhat misleading?

Nothing is impossible if your heart is pure.

I actually found a seat in Butler next to my friend?

Can't believe it.

On the sidewalk.

A Panino delivery man looked at me coyly like we were sharing some sort of inside joke.

We weren't.

Post-wedding

Back from my Dad's wedding. I decided to chronicle the adventure by simply recording some of the text messages I sent out yesterday to my best friends. Given that this is the internet and I'm no STUPID, initials will be used. Again, real texts. Real emotions.

---->A (10:15am): OMG 911 wedding hair emergency
---->A (10:19am): I literally think she'd never seen curly hair before in her life. Some highlights
include almost no product and A BRUSH. A BRUSH.
---->A (10:27am) And of course I didn't bring anything with me because oh, I WAS GETTING MY DONE.
---->A (10:34am): Beyond saving
---->A (11:00am: My 12-year-old stepsister--"Look, with these shoes on, I'm as tall as you!"
---->A, C, H, A, E, S, E (11:07am): I will kill a baby before this day is over.
<----A (11:18am): You can't get arrested! You'll embarrass your dad!
---->A (11:18am): I'm not gonna get caught. DUH!
<----C (11:39am): H and I will be in the library in about an hour or so if you want to join us.
---->Y (11:40am): Oh my god I'm already dying. i have no one to talk to.
---->Y (1:05pm): The staff takes pity on me. The young female bartender can feel my pain.
---->Mom (1:06pm): Francis and Joe say hi.
---->Mom (1:06pm): Whoops, Francesca...
---->Mom (1:07pm): Uncle Ed just called me your name. IRONIC.
---->B (1:37pm): Old people dancing. I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE.
---->B (3:07pm): Also this literally 90-year-old man keeps creeping on me. But we are family now so...too bad.

And those were only the highlights. Basically, weddings SUCK when you are in your 20's unless there is at least one another person your age there. Or not everyone knows you are underage...

Mmmm.

Paella contains all things good.

Predictions.

My dad is getting married tomorrow. Here's how I think it might go:

Number of times someone will ask me my major: 57390289832095
Number of times someone will ask me if I have a boyfriend: 358975897
Number of times someone will ask me where the bathroom is: 789327

Glasses of alcohol I will be offered: 0.


My phone will be on and yours should be, too.

Confusion.

To the gangly couple uncomfortably cuddling/nuzzling in front of me all through Julius Caesar:


There are some Shakespeare plays that contain "romantic" aspects.

This is not one of them.

This is one of those Shakespeare plays where people stab each other. A lot.

The fact that you apparently found this to be an aphrodisiac disturbs me slightly.

Stats.

Pages per hour I can read when I'm interested: approx 75.

Pages per hour I can read when the book is Edgar Huntly, or Memoirs of a Sleep-Walker: approx 10.

Not even exaggerating.

Another fun fact, this book was due for my American Lit class on February 2nd. I hate finals so much.

Here's a thing I think should start happening--

Comments. Made by you.

Guys, this could be a really fun, new adventure that we embark on together!

Let's make it happen.

POLLY POCKET.

THERE IS NOTHING BETTER IN THIS WORLD THAN WHEN YOU REALIZE FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT YOUR DRESS HAS POCKETS.


P.S. Why are the times of all my posts wrong?

Musings.

I've been wondering a lot lately (thanks to the helpful prodding of some close friends), how much of what I decide to do is colored by my insecurities--by what I think I can't do?

When I approach it really simply, I know what I want to do with my life.

Maybe instead of worrying so much about how I'm going to get what I want, I should focus more on knowing that I will get it. I suppose I'll just figure out the "how" as I go along.