Cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

What's the forecast?

Sunny, with a 98% chance of me being dressed inappropriately dressed for the weather.

Why alcohol is dangerous.

Dear young people:

Why is alcohol dangerous?

-Alcohol poisoning?

-Law-breaking?

-Random hookups?

No. Well, yes. But no.

Alcohol is dangerous because it will make your brain think: "What is a good snack to have at 3:30am? Oh, I know--this leftover burrito from Taqueria. OF COURSE!"

And then your body will rebel against itself and your soul will become a war casualty thank you that is all.

Kids do the darndest (read: dumbest) things.

I just found out that my friend's bat mitzvah theme was: HATS.

That's it. Just think about it: HATS.