I was downstairs in the kitchen, just preparing myself a bowl of spaghetti with all the fixings (yes, it is in fact 3am but any time is a good time for pasta in my opinion). Of course, I needed to make sure that the noodles were properly dressed with the right amount of parmesan cheese, so I decided to test it out by consuming a single noodle. I went through all the expected paces--I opened my teeth, put it on my tongue, chewed it up, and swallowed. Eating--I do it everyday. Easy right?
BUT NO.
For some reason, the single strand of spaghetti proved too difficult for me. It got stuck in my throat, creating a very painful and unnerving discomfort each time I attempted to swallow. I also could not tell if I was choking. I know people say that you would know for sure if you were choking but really, I could have been swayed either way. But the mere possibility was freaking me out. So, as any smart, strong, independent woman does in a time of crisis, I took a moment to assess the best way of handling the situation.
The only choice, I swiftly decided, was to quickly and gracefully devour the entire bowl of spaghetti. And I did. Yes, others might have opted for a more typical solution (Heimlich, 911, etc), but I decided that over-eating was more up my alley. And you know what--IT WORKED. The rapid devouring of the remainder of the delicious pasta eventually cleared my airway and the pain dissipated. And I seem fine (I'll update if any serious medical concerns appear over time, OBVZ).
I felt that I needed to promptly blog about my near-death experience because I think it sends a good message to kids everywhere:
Over-eaters CAN live happily ever after.
And by live happily ever after, I mean just live.
And by just live, I mean somehow manage to survive another day.
THE END.
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